Dating a separated man: red flags, green flags, and what really matters

So, you’ve met someone amazing, but there’s a twist. The man you found is separated. Is dating a separated man something you should consider? Is he ready to get into a new relationship with you? Are you walking into drama? Will this actually work?

Take a deep breath. You’re not alone in this situation.

According to recent studies, it has been identified that many marriages end in separation or divorce.  Hence, getting into a relationship with a separated man is not a big deal. Remarriage is on the rise and around 23% of men who remarry have been married before. Millions of guys are starting fresh, and most of them are ready for real love again.

You might be interested in the article "Signs a divorced man is ready to marry again".

However, there’s one important thing that you need to keep in mind. Not every divorced man that you will come across is ready to get into a relationship. Some of them are still healing, whereas others are drowning in legal battles.

Few of them may even use you as a rebound. This is why you need to be aware of red flags when dating a separated man. Read this guide on dating a separated man and we will help you learn how to make things right and find the love of your life!

Red flags when dating a separated man

Here are a few of the most common red flags.

He badmouths his ex constantly

Does every conversation you have with him turn into a vent session about a “crazy ex-wife”? It wouldn’t be just annoying to you. You should consider it a major red flag. Badmouthing about the ex indicates that he is not emotionally available for a new relationship.

Always keep in mind that the way he badmouths his ex will be how he will talk about you if things go south. Hence, anyone dating a divorced guy should keep this relationship advice in mind and take a step back.

“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”

George Santayana

Philosopher, essayist, poet, and novelist

The divorce drama will never end

It’s completely natural for some conflicts to arise during the divorce proceedings. But what if he is constantly dealing with court dates and screaming matches? Or what if he shows vengeful behavior even two years after separation? If you see these signs, it may indicate that he hasn’t resolved ongoing conflict. Do you want to get into a relationship with such a person?

He hides you from his life

You shouldn’t expect him to introduce you to his family on the very first date. But what if you’ve never met his friends, family, or kids, even after six months? This can be a red flag. Unfortunately, this is something that many women dating a divorced man experience.

You might be interested in the article "Dating a man with kids: what to expect and how to make it work".

In most instances, it indicates that he is not serious about you. Or else, it may even indicate that he is not separated as he claims.

He won’t talk about the future

When dating someone separated, conversations about the future should gradually feel comfortable. This includes both the near future and the long-term future.

But does he get uncomfortable when you mention weekend plans? Does he change the topic when you bring up future plans? Emotionally available men are comfortable discussing both the present and the future.

However, men who aren’t emotionally available won’t do that. That’s because planning ahead would feel too much like a commitment to them. This is something to keep in mind when dating a separated man.

He will compare you to his ex

Does the man you date compare you to his ex-wife? This is also a red flag and may indicate he isn’t ready for a new relationship. The comparisons shouldn’t always be negative. It can even be positive.

For example, your man would say "My ex-wife could never cook like this". It may sound like a compliment at first, but it is going to be problematic. You are going to build a new relationship with the guy you found. Hence, he shouldn’t be comparing you with someone that he was dating in the past.

He will rush the relationship

When dating a divorced man, you may often feel rushed. That’s because it is one of the most common red flags of dating a divorced guy. Starting a serious relationship very soon after divorce can signal unresolved emotions.

“Trust is the glue of life — it’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.”

Stephen Covey

Author, businessman, and speaker

If you are seeing a rush, you need to understand that he is just trying to fill the void created by his broken marriage. In other words, he is not genuinely trying to build something with you.

Green flags of dating a separated man

Now you are aware of the most common red flags of dating a divorced man or a dad. With that in mind, let’s now explore the green flags that indicate positive vibes. These signs suggest he may be ready for a serious relationship.

He talks about his past without bitterness

Talking about the past is completely okay. But he should be doing it without bitterness. What if he says, "We grew apart, and we are both happier now"? This suggests he may be emotionally ready to get into a new relationship.

A man who processes his divorce can discuss it as a matter of fact. In other words, he will take responsibility for his part, without villainizing the ex. He will not even paint himself as the victim.

His divorce is finalized

If he is separated, you need to check and see if it is just emotional, or if he is divorced legally as well. It can work to date someone still going through divorce, but clarity is essential. However, he should have a clear timeline on when the divorce will be final.

What if he is separated for three years, but there is no legal movement? This would be a red flag, indicating that something is not right. You shouldn’t be afraid to ask questions about his divorce timeline. You deserve transparency in your relationship.

He has been single for a reasonable amount of time

Research indicates that most people would need 6 to 18 months to recover after a major relationship. If his ink is still wet on the divorce papers, but you met him on a dating app, you need to proceed with caution.

When dating someone recently divorced, you need to consider the situation as a broken bone. You wouldn't even consider running a marathon on the day you get your cast off. That's why you need to consider recovery time as one of the red flags when dating a separated man.

Making it work - tips for success

So, how can you make things work when dating a divorced man? Here are some of the tips that you can follow to lead your relationship in the right direction. You can even follow these tips when dating a man going through a divorce who hasn't finalized things yet.

• Communicate your needs clearly. When it comes to a relationship, you have your own needs. It’s important to express these needs clearly when dating a separated man. Don't just hint or hope he will figure them out. Be direct about what you need, so that you can feel secure in the relationship.
• Set boundaries around ex-drama. It's completely fine to tell him that you are there to support him through this difficult time. But you should also say that you don't want to hear about every text that he got from his ex-wife. Like that, you need to define clear boundaries around ex-drama.
• Don’t try to fix him. One of the biggest mistakes that women make when dating a divorced man is trying to fix him. You just need to understand that you are his girlfriend. You shouldn’t try to act as his therapist. All you have to do is to let him do his own emotional work. In the meantime, you should focus on building your relationship.
• Take things slowly. You are dating a divorced guy, but there is no need to rush anything. Every relationship should start off with a solid foundation. However, it takes time to build such a solid foundation. Things may take more time if he is still processing the divorce. That’s why you need to be extra mindful to take things slowly.