How to start a conversation on a dating site

According to a 2023 pew research center survey, three in ten U.S. adults have used a dating site or app. So, you have finally matched with someone on bumble, tinder, or Meetty.  Your heart races a little, your thumbs hover, and you think, "What do I even say?" You don’t want to come across as boring. Also, you don’t want to sound desperate either.

The truth is that your first message can either make or break your conversation. Think about it, this could be the beginning of something exciting. A fun chat, a good laugh, or maybe even a real connection. But it all starts with that first message. Not a cheesy pick-up line. Not a boring "hey." You need something real, something that will keep the conversation going.

So, what should you say first? What works? Keep reading for conversation starters that help you skip awkward small talk and move toward a real meetup. We will cover how to start a conversation on a dating site and subjects to talk about with your crush.

How to use your match’s profile to start a great conversation?

Your match’s profile has plenty of details you can use to start a conversation. This is where most people miss it. If you want to stand out, you need to start paying attention to the little things that matter. Their photos, bio, hobbies, or even emojis can give you a clearer picture of what to say.

For instance, if their profile says "Loves adventure and horror movies." Boom! That’s your opening. You could say something like, "So what’s scarier - climbing mount Everest or a zombie chase in the dark?" That’s playful, specific, and gives them a chance to share a story.

Also, you could check for anything in their bio that overlaps with your interests, hobbies, or values. This is the fastest way of connecting with them more deeply. Yet try not to get caught up in surface details like their appearance, their job, etc. Many people don’t want to talk about work right away. So don’t lead with it!

Which questions make the best first move on dating apps?

So, you’ve noticed their profile, you've got an icebreaker ready, but now you want a question that pulls you both into a fun chat. Ask real questions - not filler or interview-style prompts. However, this is where most people make mistakes. You see them asking boring questions like "How was your day?", "How was your weekend?", etc.

People often get tired of generic openers like "How was your day?" You need to learn how to ask questions that don't have a "yes" or "no" reply. For instance, instead of asking "Do you like travelling?" (which would lead to a boring "yes" or "no"), try something like, "What’s the wildest thing that’s ever happened on one of your adventures?"

This one hands them over the mic to open up about their travel thrills. Still, if you notice they are responding with one-word answers, it might be a sign they’re not putting in enough effort. Ideally, interest goes both ways. If it doesn’t, it may be time to move on.

Do silly jokes or random openers work?

Let’s be honest, everyone loves a good laugh. And sometimes, the best text conversation starters with a girl or guy are the ones that are a little silly. For instance, when you open with something playful or unexpected, people are more likely to respond to messages that make them laugh or feel good.

For example, you could say "Okay, I need to know, are you always this photogenic, or is it just good lighting?😍", or try "You have such a beautiful smile. What makes you happy?" These kinds of funny ways to start a conversation with a touch of emojis or gifs can make them reply faster when they see you're curious about getting to know them.

Also, you can start a game like "Dogs or cats?😜" to learn more about their personality, preferences, and interests. However, be careful with how you use emojis. You don't want to come across as being lazy or someone who lacks communication skills.

How to compliment someone without sounding like everyone else?

Believe it or not, people can tell the difference between a fake compliment and a genuine one. Etiquette expert Diane Gottsman warns that generic compliments that could apply to anyone, like "you have got a nice smile" or "your hair is pretty" could come off as superficial.

People see them all the time, especially on dating apps. So, if you want to grab someone's attention and start a conversation that leads somewhere, you've got to make it feel real. For instance, pet owners often love talking about their furry friends. This is a good conversation starter for online dating.

Also, if they have a photo from their recent trip to Bangkok on their profile, you could start with something like, "That Bangkok pic makes me jealous! How was the trip - and the food?" Now sit and watch as they share every single detail about their food, culture, climate, etc. It’s all about being real, and you will not lack interesting topics to discuss with your crush.

Which topics actually help you connect on a dating app?

Now you’ve gotten their attention, given a couple of genuine compliments, and now there’s silence. Your fingers are hovering over the keyboard like, "What do I say next?" The answer is to pick a topic that people actually like talking about. Ask about their hobbies, travel, food, music, and pop culture. We call them the "five fun topics": travel, food, music, hobbies, and pop culture.

For example, if your match is into skiing, a good open-ended question to ask is "So, you're a skier? I just got back from Meribel. Where's your next trip?" Or if they are a foodie like you, you could try "So you're food network-obsessed, too. How about a cook-off?"

"People want someone who signals investment to them, especially if you're lucky enough to have a few in common."

Jess Carbino

PHD, and former sociologist for tinder and bumble.

So, when next you get stuck on questions to ask when online dating, think about the 5 fun topics.

How do you go from simple chats to real conversations?

Small talk like favorite movies, adventures, laughing about your favorite pizza topping, etc., are fine if you are just looking for someone to connect with. But if you want to build a real connection with that person, you have to go beyond small talk.

Ask them deep questions and listen to them actively. Show them you are paying attention by interacting with them meaningfully. Also, try as much as possible to be vulnerable. The other person will often respond about what they think or feel.

For example, some good questions to start deep conversations include "What’s a goal you really want to pursue in the next few years?" Or you can say "When it comes to having fun and letting go, what does that mean to you?" You want to sound natural and allow the conversation to build naturally.

How to flirt right to turn that match into a meetup?

Flirting with someone isn’t just about being bold; it’s about timing. If you're hoping to turn your chat into a real date, knowing when and how to flirt makes all the difference. Once you've gotten past the first few messages and there's a real vibe between you, that's your green light. Also, if you can feel the connection growing, that's the moment to start turning up the charm.

However, this is where most people get it wrong. They are always waiting for the perfect time to ask their match out. You need to bring up the suggestion of a meet-up as soon as you can feel the chemistry and spark. Besides, you’d have to know sooner or later if the chemistry can translate into real-life dating.

So, you could start by saying something like "We’ve got a good vibe going here. How about we continue over a cup of coffee sometime?" Or "I like you. Should I be worried… or excited?" Don’t come on too strong, and keep things respectful. You don't want the other person to feel uncomfortable or get the wrong impression.

What can their texting style tell you about their interest?

Have you been chatting with someone, maybe flirted a little, then all of a sudden, they start to pull away quietly? Their replies get slower, and their tone starts to shift fast. That shift can sometimes be a sign they’re losing interest. Believe it or not, on dating apps, it’s not about what people say, it’s about how they say it.

Even without hearing their voice or seeing their face, texting gives off subtle signals. Little things like how fast they respond, how much they say, and the tone they use can say a lot about whether they’re genuinely interested or just passing time. Pay attention to the way they flirt back, ask questions, or even use emojis.

For example, are they giving you short, dry replies like "haha" or "cool"? Or are they actually responding with full thoughts, jokes, or even asking you questions back? Still, don’t take it personally - it’s just something to notice. Sometimes, people are just busy with their lives. But other times, they're just not feeling the vibe.

How to keep a conversation flowing naturally?

It's not rocket science. Some chats just feel easy. The replies keep coming fast, the energy is fun, and somehow, there's always more to say. However, that doesn’t happen by luck. Great conversations usually stay alive because someone knows how to keep the spark burning. And one of the ways to do that is by asking follow-up questions.

For example, if they mentioned their favorite show to you, you could follow up with "Who’s the lead actor or actress?" Or if they claim to be a terrible cook. You could reply with "Be honest, have you set off any fire alarms this week, or are your cooking skills improving?" Sometimes, that little tease can help keep the conversation going without trying too hard.

Another way you can make the conversation quite engaging and fun is by using callbacks and thread switching. For instance, if they said earlier that they’re obsessed with dogs, you can bring it up later by asking, "Would you cancel a date if a cute puppy showed up?" This shows that you are actively listening to whatever they are telling you.

Remember the goal is to keep the conversation flowing naturally. And don't try to turn it into an interrogative session. Nonetheless, below are 5 common mistakes to avoid if you don’t want to get ghosted or sound bored.

What are some common pitfalls to avoid being ghosted on dating apps?

Sometimes, conversations don't fall apart because someone was rude. It’s the little habits that quietly make them feel awkward, forced, or one-sided. So, if you are wondering why they keep ghosting you after the first few chats, then make sure you take the next paragraphs seriously.

• Making the chat feel like an i Making the chat feel like an interview often increases the chance of being ignored. So, avoid asking too many unrelated questions and make use of the tips above.
• Using the same old cliches. If your chats sound like everyone else on their inbox, then you are likely to get ignored. Stop sending "hey, you’re cute" or "just looking for someone real" please be creative, they’ve heard it many times.
• Over-complimenting. This is common. Complimenting her is sweet. But over-complimenting, especially in the first few chats, can make her feel insecure and you desperate.
• Leaving the other person to carry the conversation. If you are on this table, please learn to ask questions in return. You can make use of the five-fun magic in case you run out of ideas. Never reply with a single word like "cool", "nice", or "yeah".
• Flirting too hard or too Flirting can make your chat feel exciting and fun, but when it’s over the top or way too soon, it can feel awkward. You need to wait until there’s a real connection before you start turning up the flirt.

What are the best conversation starters for him or her?

• "I noticed your love for hiking! Have you explored the breathtaking trails at [local trail name] yet?"
• "So, you’re into cooking? What’s your signature dish, and can it beat my burnt pasta?"
• "Always down for tacos too. What’s your favorite place?"
• "I, too, go crazy for a good martini. Where’s your favorite spot?"
• "Your travel pics are wild, what’s been your favorite trip so far?"
• "I like your [insert anything the person has on them or with them]. Where did you get it?"
• "I noticed you play guitar; did you teach yourself or suffer through lessons like I did?"
• "I'm not just saying this, but I'm genuinely impressed by the details in your art. Do you have a favorite medium or style?"
• "I need a new show - what are you bingeing right now?"
• "Didn't think I'd meet another [university name] grad here! What did you study?"
• "If you could keep any wild animal as a pet (no danger involved), what would it be? I’d go for a shark"
• "I see you like carpentry. Are you working on anything right now?"

When to stop texting and walk away

"Not every dating app match will be the one or even lead to a date."

Kiana Reeves

Somatic sex educator, and Foria’s chief education officer.

If they are not texting back or giving the same energy, then it’s time to cut your losses and swipe for the next available person.

Nonetheless, the real win is showing up as yourself. So be patient and don’t be afraid to laugh at the mess-ups, for there’ll be plenty. In the end, it’s your personality that makes you stand out from the rest.

Final thoughts

Starting a conversation on dating apps like Meetty can be quite challenging, but also rewarding and fun. The above question starters are all you need to start dating online. So, make sure you follow these tips to increase your chances of finding a compatible partner.

Most importantly, be yourself and have fun. Not every message will turn into a great conversation, and that’s okay. The right ones will match your energy, respond with interest, and keep the flow going. At the end of the day, real connections start with real conversations.

So, take what you’ve learnt, trust your instincts, and don’t be afraid to make the first move.

Happy dating!